Saturday, August 19, 2006
Still alive. For the next day at least.
I am, really. Won't post anything substantial though until sometime after tomorrow--my honey is leaving to the East Coast for a long, long time...:*( and I'm gonna spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves. Waah! (the leaving part, not the spending time part.) TTFN
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
SBTB, part 2
I was going to respond to Chris's comment on my last post with another comment, but didn't want this link to get passed by. Yes, my friends, the Hot Sundae music video from the caffeine pill episode:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZoYEVAOsgw&search=hot%20sundae
Someone mentioned the adult swim showing of it in the comments; apparently they altered the video slightly when they broadcasted it there.
Okay, that show has taken up enough of my blog for the time being. Unless, of course, I find another video from it worth posting. Heh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZoYEVAOsgw&search=hot%20sundae
Someone mentioned the adult swim showing of it in the comments; apparently they altered the video slightly when they broadcasted it there.
Okay, that show has taken up enough of my blog for the time being. Unless, of course, I find another video from it worth posting. Heh.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
why 'saved by the bell' was always so painful, yet so good
If you grew up in my era of childhood, you probably already understand the paradox of the TV series "Saved By The Bell." The show was, let's face it, super cheesy. Behind their at-the-time cool hair swoops and neon-colored clothes, their afternoon-TV personalities were at best, watered-down versions of reality. You knew Zack caused trouble but would never do anything too scandalous, and that his friends would always forgive him or pay him back in some cute way. At worst, the characters would get even cheesier and try to promote some important moral message in a very simplistic manner (remember the "There's no hope with dope" episode?).
And yet....
Somehow I could not pull away from it, and even got joy out of watching it when the reruns would air in the afternoons after the series ended (and was replaced with the spin-off "The College Years," which I could not stand watching most of the time). I don't think I quite understand why I still liked the show. Maybe it was because one of the only other choices at the time was Full House, which upped the cheese factor by 2000% and did away with most of the coolness factor. Or maybe it was because, in Zack's little watered-down, afternoon-TV world, he was actually cool. Somehow the show made me believe that Zack, despite being a trouble maker, was essentially a good person, and therefore I liked to see his friends forgive him of his faults and occasionally teach him a lesson. Or maybe it was just the hilarity of hearing the studio audience yell "oooooh!" every time he hit on Kelly or Slater pumped iron at random times on the set.
In any case, it's time for me to stop pretending that the purpose of this post is a deep, philosophical one. I really just think this clip on YouTube of Slater dancing is ridiculously funny. But it does demonstrate pretty well the often failed attempts to convey coolness on the show. HAHA!
And yet....
Somehow I could not pull away from it, and even got joy out of watching it when the reruns would air in the afternoons after the series ended (and was replaced with the spin-off "The College Years," which I could not stand watching most of the time). I don't think I quite understand why I still liked the show. Maybe it was because one of the only other choices at the time was Full House, which upped the cheese factor by 2000% and did away with most of the coolness factor. Or maybe it was because, in Zack's little watered-down, afternoon-TV world, he was actually cool. Somehow the show made me believe that Zack, despite being a trouble maker, was essentially a good person, and therefore I liked to see his friends forgive him of his faults and occasionally teach him a lesson. Or maybe it was just the hilarity of hearing the studio audience yell "oooooh!" every time he hit on Kelly or Slater pumped iron at random times on the set.
In any case, it's time for me to stop pretending that the purpose of this post is a deep, philosophical one. I really just think this clip on YouTube of Slater dancing is ridiculously funny. But it does demonstrate pretty well the often failed attempts to convey coolness on the show. HAHA!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
goin home!
i'm sick AGAIN, so i'll make this short and head to bed. just wanted to let you Maryland people know that i'll be heading over there for a few days in late april! i'll be there the 23rd to the 26th, to be exact, and then i'll be in the jersey/NY area again for the rest of that week. i know i was just there a few weeks ago, but hey, this is what you gotta do in long distance relationships. and maybe i can see yelena this time!
alright, time for nyquil and groggy, wonderful sleep.
alright, time for nyquil and groggy, wonderful sleep.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
1K, baby
i'd like to take a moment to announce that i swam 1000 yards freestyle for my first time ever! i know it's not a lot to many swimming folk, but it's my personal best so far. i was on my high school swim team for a bit back in the day, but i was always in the slow lane, and didn't really know or learn good stroking, kicking, or breathing technique there, and was pretty much in it because i wanted some exercise and because my friend Yelena was on the team. every practice was sooo painful, i couldn't ever finish the workouts the coach gave us, and i h-a-t-e-d swim meets (even though i usually only swam in the exhibition lane, 50-free).
so this time, i took a fresh outlook on the whole thing. i started swimming twice a week at the local community center, conveniently located next door to me. catherine, who also swam in high school (but who was actually very good at it), gave me some really useful technique pointers. i go at my own pace, pushing myself enough to improve, but not enough to make me unwilling to swim again. and i must say, i have a much healthier relationship with swimming than i had the first time around. after a few weeks, i swam 500 yards non-stop for the first time ever, and what amazed me the most about it was that i felt great afterwards! i had totally found a good rhythm and breathing pattern that worked for me, and i was instantly hooked. just a few more visits brought me to this past friday, and my 1000 yards. it was totally a Zen-like experience, just like the feeling that long-distance runners say they experience, which turns them into running addicts. i know i could've swum even longer, but i knew the pool was closing soon and i didn't want to overstay my welcome. very, very fun.
so this time, i took a fresh outlook on the whole thing. i started swimming twice a week at the local community center, conveniently located next door to me. catherine, who also swam in high school (but who was actually very good at it), gave me some really useful technique pointers. i go at my own pace, pushing myself enough to improve, but not enough to make me unwilling to swim again. and i must say, i have a much healthier relationship with swimming than i had the first time around. after a few weeks, i swam 500 yards non-stop for the first time ever, and what amazed me the most about it was that i felt great afterwards! i had totally found a good rhythm and breathing pattern that worked for me, and i was instantly hooked. just a few more visits brought me to this past friday, and my 1000 yards. it was totally a Zen-like experience, just like the feeling that long-distance runners say they experience, which turns them into running addicts. i know i could've swum even longer, but i knew the pool was closing soon and i didn't want to overstay my welcome. very, very fun.
Monday, March 06, 2006
thank you, good people
I just went to visit my girlfriend in the Wilson School at Princeton, and had a timely dose of fun times and awesome people. One night Catherine and her housemates threw a party in my honor (sheesh, wouldn't you feel lucky if you had parties thrown for them just for weekend visits? Thanks hon! Kristy says you spoil me, which is true I admit), and I got to meet some of her ridiculously amazing and down-to-earth friends there. I'd have felt a little intimidated by all these multi-lingual, accomplished, and selfless people if they hadn't been so welcoming and engaging.
That was Friday night; Saturday was just as well, as I went up to NYC to see some of my closest EP friends there, plus Catherine's friend who I also got to bond with in Peru last summer. AND totally unexpectedly, I saw some other friends that night at a birthday shindig that I haven't seen since graduation.
All in all, I felt surrounded for the first time in a while by lots of awesome, politically conscious, real people.
That was Friday night; Saturday was just as well, as I went up to NYC to see some of my closest EP friends there, plus Catherine's friend who I also got to bond with in Peru last summer. AND totally unexpectedly, I saw some other friends that night at a birthday shindig that I haven't seen since graduation.
All in all, I felt surrounded for the first time in a while by lots of awesome, politically conscious, real people.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
...and i thought princeton was already too conservative 7 years ago
I am disgusted. Thoroughly sickened. Sure, it's no news that conservatives and the Christian right are total hypocrites for staking their claim on morality while simultaneously seeking to further their own monetary or even racist agendas. But in perusing the website for The Nation for the first time, I came across a cover story detailing a wealthy, stealthy conservative agenda to take over the world of academia. Funny, even back when I visited Princeton as a prospective college in '99, before the Madison Project actually took off there, according to this article, I decided against it because the student body seemed too conservative for my likings. Hah, I guess that just shows how much of a polar opposite I am to those crazies that are taking over Princeton / running our country. :/
I mean, how can they claim to be moral Christians when, according to the Bible, they'd be the worst out of anyone? Okay, they're claiming that their pro-life stance is a result of their desire to preserve life at all costs; so why are they pro-death-penalty? If they claim that God is supposed to pass judgement on everyone, then who are they to a) determine when someone should be put to death, and b) put them to death? Why are they all so damn rich, and believe they can or should coerce people to correct moral values using their financial power? Isn't there a Biblical saying about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to go to Heaven? And I'm tired of people conflating "traditional" values with "correct, moral" ones. Sure, maybe things seemed nicer and more proper to white people in the '50's, but oh yeah, they were mostly racist and sexist too. And a lot of the actions of conservatives in power in this country appear to be no different. They cut taxes for the rich (mostly whites), while removing funding for programs to help the poor (mostly people of color). They remove protections for working-class people and immigrants, while at the same time profiting from their exploitation. They just so happen to wage wars on countries with lots of oil. Oh, did they not notice that they had no evidence of a tie between Iraq and Al Qaeda? Maybe all brown-skinned people look the same to them...honest mistake, eh?
Yeah, they're right, our country is becoming more and more morally bankrupt. But the worst offenders are the people with the most money. Yay, capitalism. Let's see, if you build a system in which financial superiority results in success and power, is it surprising that the greediest people will end up on top?? It ain't rocket science, folks.
Anyway, frustrating diatribes aside, I really liked the article. It's really refreshing to see such a cogent and comprehensive criticism of the underpinnings of conservatism. Reading things like that are a huge step up from listening to frustrated but underinformed fellow student activists, or listening to politicians spout rhetoric on NPR. Of course, I have lots of respect for both activists and NPR, of course, having been and worked with the first and listened to the second almost every day. But as a first-time The Nation reader, I was impressed by its depth of analysis and evidentiary support (woah, been dating a law student for too long). I definitely plan to continue seeing what its writers have to say in the future.
I mean, how can they claim to be moral Christians when, according to the Bible, they'd be the worst out of anyone? Okay, they're claiming that their pro-life stance is a result of their desire to preserve life at all costs; so why are they pro-death-penalty? If they claim that God is supposed to pass judgement on everyone, then who are they to a) determine when someone should be put to death, and b) put them to death? Why are they all so damn rich, and believe they can or should coerce people to correct moral values using their financial power? Isn't there a Biblical saying about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to go to Heaven? And I'm tired of people conflating "traditional" values with "correct, moral" ones. Sure, maybe things seemed nicer and more proper to white people in the '50's, but oh yeah, they were mostly racist and sexist too. And a lot of the actions of conservatives in power in this country appear to be no different. They cut taxes for the rich (mostly whites), while removing funding for programs to help the poor (mostly people of color). They remove protections for working-class people and immigrants, while at the same time profiting from their exploitation. They just so happen to wage wars on countries with lots of oil. Oh, did they not notice that they had no evidence of a tie between Iraq and Al Qaeda? Maybe all brown-skinned people look the same to them...honest mistake, eh?
Yeah, they're right, our country is becoming more and more morally bankrupt. But the worst offenders are the people with the most money. Yay, capitalism. Let's see, if you build a system in which financial superiority results in success and power, is it surprising that the greediest people will end up on top?? It ain't rocket science, folks.
Anyway, frustrating diatribes aside, I really liked the article. It's really refreshing to see such a cogent and comprehensive criticism of the underpinnings of conservatism. Reading things like that are a huge step up from listening to frustrated but underinformed fellow student activists, or listening to politicians spout rhetoric on NPR. Of course, I have lots of respect for both activists and NPR, of course, having been and worked with the first and listened to the second almost every day. But as a first-time The Nation reader, I was impressed by its depth of analysis and evidentiary support (woah, been dating a law student for too long). I definitely plan to continue seeing what its writers have to say in the future.
Friday, February 24, 2006
baboons
...randomly watched Animal Planet this morning and saw a rerun of "Growing Up Baboon," about a baboon conservation in South Africa. It's amazing how much care they are able to give the baboons, to the point of being strikingly like raising a family and setting them off into the world. Plus the little ones were so cute! They actually had diapers on and were being bottle-fed. Maybe I've just grown a soft spot for babies. *sigh*
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
i know, i know
so, it's been a long time. i'm not going to try to make up for lost time, because the amount of time that would take would probably deter me from ever blogging again.
i've been really, really angsty the past week, a symptom of the cycle i have perpetually been going through since i left high school and began college: every once in a while, i'll hit a really big low and wonder what my purpose in life is, or more accurately, whether there is one at all. it probably sounds very melodramatic, but it happens nonetheless. and now that i'm out of school and no longer have school to be at least a temporary 'purpose,' i feel it more often than not. and above all else, it's ANNOYING!! :I
catherine has a hunch that maybe i feel this way because i no longer participate in hobbies, causes, or what have you, that i'm really invested in. i'll admit there's truth to that. in addition to working relatively long but more or less reasonable hours at my full-time job, i also do tutoring at DCP on mondays *and* tuesdays, drum lessons also on tuesdays, yoga on wednesdays, and swimming on saturdays, and i haven't been doing any of these things for more than a couple months. and on top of that, i still stay awake at times thinking about all the other things i want to do that i don't have time for, like teaching myself more math, reading lots of books, learning to improv on the keyboard, running, cooking, singing, biking, etc....basically i want to do everything. and catherine's argument is that since i haven't been doing any of these things for very long, none of them will give me the sense of reward or joy that i used to get while singing with EP or playing the piano pre-college; i'd done those things for so long that it meant more to do them. furthermore, she says that if i continue jumping around among hobbies, i'll always be chasing satisfaction, and it will always remain elusive.
i do see the wisdom in this, and even just trying to write out all the things i want to do makes it seem obvious that i am searching for something. at the same time, though, what spins me into my cycle of depression is the realization that most of these things i want to do are just that: things. most of them diminish at some point to being nothing more than interesting hobbies, amusing pastimes. what i really value most is love, trying to become the most loving person i can so that i can make a positive difference in people's lives. and not only the hobbies, but even my job seem very far away from that right now. okay, i thought of a cheesy analogy, and now i have to write it: it's like Belle in the disney adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, where she sings, "there must be more than this provincial life." don't you hate it when you think of corny things like that, and then you just can't help saying them? okay, maybe it's just me....quiet, you! oh god, i'm so clichée.
anyhow, whatever it is i'm looking for, i don't think i've found it yet. i'm not so much in the throes of despair at the moment, having successfully (i hope) pulled myself out of that stage. but i still have this big question mark in my mind. in the meantime, i'm going to stop blogging at the office and get my butt home already.
i've been really, really angsty the past week, a symptom of the cycle i have perpetually been going through since i left high school and began college: every once in a while, i'll hit a really big low and wonder what my purpose in life is, or more accurately, whether there is one at all. it probably sounds very melodramatic, but it happens nonetheless. and now that i'm out of school and no longer have school to be at least a temporary 'purpose,' i feel it more often than not. and above all else, it's ANNOYING!! :I
catherine has a hunch that maybe i feel this way because i no longer participate in hobbies, causes, or what have you, that i'm really invested in. i'll admit there's truth to that. in addition to working relatively long but more or less reasonable hours at my full-time job, i also do tutoring at DCP on mondays *and* tuesdays, drum lessons also on tuesdays, yoga on wednesdays, and swimming on saturdays, and i haven't been doing any of these things for more than a couple months. and on top of that, i still stay awake at times thinking about all the other things i want to do that i don't have time for, like teaching myself more math, reading lots of books, learning to improv on the keyboard, running, cooking, singing, biking, etc....basically i want to do everything. and catherine's argument is that since i haven't been doing any of these things for very long, none of them will give me the sense of reward or joy that i used to get while singing with EP or playing the piano pre-college; i'd done those things for so long that it meant more to do them. furthermore, she says that if i continue jumping around among hobbies, i'll always be chasing satisfaction, and it will always remain elusive.
i do see the wisdom in this, and even just trying to write out all the things i want to do makes it seem obvious that i am searching for something. at the same time, though, what spins me into my cycle of depression is the realization that most of these things i want to do are just that: things. most of them diminish at some point to being nothing more than interesting hobbies, amusing pastimes. what i really value most is love, trying to become the most loving person i can so that i can make a positive difference in people's lives. and not only the hobbies, but even my job seem very far away from that right now. okay, i thought of a cheesy analogy, and now i have to write it: it's like Belle in the disney adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, where she sings, "there must be more than this provincial life." don't you hate it when you think of corny things like that, and then you just can't help saying them? okay, maybe it's just me....quiet, you! oh god, i'm so clichée.
anyhow, whatever it is i'm looking for, i don't think i've found it yet. i'm not so much in the throes of despair at the moment, having successfully (i hope) pulled myself out of that stage. but i still have this big question mark in my mind. in the meantime, i'm going to stop blogging at the office and get my butt home already.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
*cough* *cough*
boo-hoo. i'm sick, BUT--i got to work from home today, which was rather pleasant...i love my job!
i also just installed Photoshop Elements on my NEW home computer, HP Pavilion, 1G RAM, 2.2 GHz AMD processor, baby!! thank you mommy and daddy!! it's a huge step up from my old Dimension 2100 with a Celeron processor and no extensibility. Okay, and before I sotp myself from sounding like a geek, I have to brag about Photoshop Elements too: finally a program that actually has all the features I want! And makes it so easy to share photos...I finally posted 2 sets of pics that I've been meaning to send for ages. I love it love it love it. Whoever works at that company must be an absolute GENIUS...nod, nod, wink, wink.
(begin non sequitur)
new year's was pretty fun, went down to West Hollywood in LA with my girlfriend and some other friends. also got to have dinner with one of my long-lost a cappella friends who now lives across the country in NY...*sniff*. Korean BBQ, karaoke, club...who knew I was so happenin'? Or so Asian, for that matter....hehe.
It was the first time I didn't do the 'sit around the TV with family and/or friends and toast at midnight' thing, possibly because it was the first time i didn't do new year's in MD. ;) no offense, my lovely MD friends, but honestly, do you disagree?? But seriously though, the change was a bit bizarre. I always felt like there was ceremony around new year's, and it was a time of contemplation, celebration, appreciation, etc. etc. But this year, call me crazy but it's hard to feel ceremonious when you're surrounded by loud music, party lights, random people with LA-ish clothes on, with a caramel apple martini in your hand that just got half-spilled all over your jeans. not that it wasn't fun, but...was it new year's? i guess since i'm one year older, it must have been. (ah...wise cindy moment.)
(end rambling)
i also just installed Photoshop Elements on my NEW home computer, HP Pavilion, 1G RAM, 2.2 GHz AMD processor, baby!! thank you mommy and daddy!! it's a huge step up from my old Dimension 2100 with a Celeron processor and no extensibility. Okay, and before I sotp myself from sounding like a geek, I have to brag about Photoshop Elements too: finally a program that actually has all the features I want! And makes it so easy to share photos...I finally posted 2 sets of pics that I've been meaning to send for ages. I love it love it love it. Whoever works at that company must be an absolute GENIUS...nod, nod, wink, wink.
(begin non sequitur)
new year's was pretty fun, went down to West Hollywood in LA with my girlfriend and some other friends. also got to have dinner with one of my long-lost a cappella friends who now lives across the country in NY...*sniff*. Korean BBQ, karaoke, club...who knew I was so happenin'? Or so Asian, for that matter....hehe.
It was the first time I didn't do the 'sit around the TV with family and/or friends and toast at midnight' thing, possibly because it was the first time i didn't do new year's in MD. ;) no offense, my lovely MD friends, but honestly, do you disagree?? But seriously though, the change was a bit bizarre. I always felt like there was ceremony around new year's, and it was a time of contemplation, celebration, appreciation, etc. etc. But this year, call me crazy but it's hard to feel ceremonious when you're surrounded by loud music, party lights, random people with LA-ish clothes on, with a caramel apple martini in your hand that just got half-spilled all over your jeans. not that it wasn't fun, but...was it new year's? i guess since i'm one year older, it must have been. (ah...wise cindy moment.)
(end rambling)
Friday, December 30, 2005
home sweet home...for a day
hellooooo...i'm home!! i can't tell you how happy i am to no longer be on a plane with a crick in my neck, sitting next to a large, smelly, and slightly rude man, and with airplane headphones that don't work, having missed the drink service because i had dozed off, having woken up at 4am to catch my 6:30am flight an hour's drive away, only to find that the flight was delayed because the flight crew arrived late that morning (what IS that??). rraaarrgh!!
it just made the moment ever sweeter in which i stepped into my apartment after having waited for a shuttle in the rain, rode for over an hour in it and lugged my bags up the stairs with my weak, tired and stiff legs. i opened the door and immediately an imaginary choir heralded my homecoming. you know how you feel so good that you imagine choruses of people singing a heavenly note "Aaaaaah...!" That's what i mean.
i should be sleeping right now; instead, as soon as i was home i cleaned my entire bathroom, did some laundry, and picked up around my room. so typical. i wonder why i always persist in doing anything but sleep even when i'm so tired my head is throbbing.
and alas, this little retreat from outside interaction is shortlived. tomorrow i hop on another plane and head down to SoCal to spend new year's, coming back the day after (on new year's day), and the day after that, going back to work. *sigh*
it just made the moment ever sweeter in which i stepped into my apartment after having waited for a shuttle in the rain, rode for over an hour in it and lugged my bags up the stairs with my weak, tired and stiff legs. i opened the door and immediately an imaginary choir heralded my homecoming. you know how you feel so good that you imagine choruses of people singing a heavenly note "Aaaaaah...!" That's what i mean.
i should be sleeping right now; instead, as soon as i was home i cleaned my entire bathroom, did some laundry, and picked up around my room. so typical. i wonder why i always persist in doing anything but sleep even when i'm so tired my head is throbbing.
and alas, this little retreat from outside interaction is shortlived. tomorrow i hop on another plane and head down to SoCal to spend new year's, coming back the day after (on new year's day), and the day after that, going back to work. *sigh*
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
baby part deux
oh and you can see my beautiful niece on the sidebar link to my brother's blog (Mike 'n' Annette). :D
drama, friends and fondue
i have come full circle today, friends. after some SERIOUS falling out drama last night with someone in the family, and i'll spare you the gory details, i was totally crushed, angry, insulted, guilty, depressed, embarrassed, and frustrated all rolled into one me. i spent much of the day pretty much incapacitated, stuck at home and wanting to see friends but not really wanting to leave the house, wanting family but not really wanting it...and all the time wondering how my life became so dramatic all of a sudden.
thank goodness my girlfriend stayed on the phone with me from across the country, trying her best to support me even though she is involved in the complex web of relationships that make up this drama herself. i'm so lucky to have her; she stuck with me through my ranting, my slight tantrums, and my grief. i love you honey!!
and after that i went to dinner with a couple good friends from pre-college years, after they each let me rant to them individually on IM and on the phone; i even felt safe enough to start trying to patch things up.
and lastly, a girl's night at Sarah's with fondue and laughter and Project Runway! YES, what could have been more therapeutic?? i love that so many times in my life, just when circumstances have become almost too much to bear, some timely rescue has come in often unexpected forms, to remind me of all there is for me to appreciate. *satisfied grateful sigh* i love my friends! thanks y'alls.
thank goodness my girlfriend stayed on the phone with me from across the country, trying her best to support me even though she is involved in the complex web of relationships that make up this drama herself. i'm so lucky to have her; she stuck with me through my ranting, my slight tantrums, and my grief. i love you honey!!
and after that i went to dinner with a couple good friends from pre-college years, after they each let me rant to them individually on IM and on the phone; i even felt safe enough to start trying to patch things up.
and lastly, a girl's night at Sarah's with fondue and laughter and Project Runway! YES, what could have been more therapeutic?? i love that so many times in my life, just when circumstances have become almost too much to bear, some timely rescue has come in often unexpected forms, to remind me of all there is for me to appreciate. *satisfied grateful sigh* i love my friends! thanks y'alls.
Monday, December 26, 2005
success!!
woohoo! this rocks!! :D
okay, time to go to bed now. it says 9:30ish on the post, but really i'm on the east coast so it's past midnight...psout!
okay, time to go to bed now. it says 9:30ish on the post, but really i'm on the east coast so it's past midnight...psout!
serenity, family
ok so based on the title of my blog, i bet you think 'serenity' means i had some new revelation about my life...actually, i'm just referring to the Joss Whedon sci fi movie. LOVED it! okay, okay, so i admit i'm obsessed with Buffy and Angel (thank you Watson! your DVDs are still safe in my home) and that i played encore once and actually sang songs from the musical Buffy episode (ssshh), but dude, it was good. i wish they'd just let him keep making shows on TV and stop cancelling them...grrr.
before seeing the flick, i saw my great-uncle today; he has cancer and is having worse and worse pain, but i was really happy to see him still looking very active and present today. i'm so glad i took chinese in college; i actually was able to follow most of the conversation the family was having with him. i have some lingering regrets on not being loving enough to my grandmother (dad's mom) before she passed away; i was an impatient and self-absorbed teenager, and that in conjunction with the language barrier made it frustrating to try and talk to her. she lived with us in her last couple years, and i feel like there was so much more i could have done for her, to make her happy, satisfied, to make her feel appreciated and worthwhile. *sigh* but i believe the best thing you can do with a mistake is to learn from it. i want my other grandmother, my parents, relatives, and friends to feel supported by me, happy, fulfilled. that's my biggest wish and goal.
before seeing the flick, i saw my great-uncle today; he has cancer and is having worse and worse pain, but i was really happy to see him still looking very active and present today. i'm so glad i took chinese in college; i actually was able to follow most of the conversation the family was having with him. i have some lingering regrets on not being loving enough to my grandmother (dad's mom) before she passed away; i was an impatient and self-absorbed teenager, and that in conjunction with the language barrier made it frustrating to try and talk to her. she lived with us in her last couple years, and i feel like there was so much more i could have done for her, to make her happy, satisfied, to make her feel appreciated and worthwhile. *sigh* but i believe the best thing you can do with a mistake is to learn from it. i want my other grandmother, my parents, relatives, and friends to feel supported by me, happy, fulfilled. that's my biggest wish and goal.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
christmas and positivity
howdy,
i've wanted to check in more, but having a job in which i type and stare at a computer screen all day doesn't make for high motivation to do the same when i get home. plus i've been struggling with carpel tunnel problems--not diagnosed or anything, but just discomfort/pain when i've been at it too long. so pardon my neglect! anyhoo, i'm on vacation for the holidays, so i don't mind typing now.
the BFL thing is long gone; it was pretty successful, but i really was ready for a break by the time it was done. plus, it's really difficult to have my girlfriend in town and still find the motivation/time to plan and execute all the BFL requirements. it's funny how couples can make each other gain weight like that sometimes; it had been so long since i'd seen her, and since she'd eaten good multicultural bay area food, that all we wanted to do was enjoy yummy food together. i'm still glad i did BFL though; it was nice to show myself that i can really do something i set my mind to. also it got me into running for the first time in my life. i actually reached my goal of running 5 miles within an hour, which i'd never ever done (within an hour or not) in my life!
afterwards i went through a very angsty phase in which i wondered what the purpose of my life was. one theme that has repercussed in my life for years and years is an underlying panic about "being productive" all the time, lest i wake up someday and realize i'm old and dissatisfied with my life. over time, it's evolved to a recognition that i don't actually need to be doing something so-called productive every minute in order to get somewhere with my life, and also that it's possible to be productive every minute, and still not be any closer to happiness. however, i still had not found the thing that WOULD make me happy.
my sister started listening to Tony Robbins recently, and she let my parents borrow a couple of the CDs to listen to; they are already fans of his. Then when they were visiting California, they gave them to me and told me to listen. i was feeling rather glum at the moment, and had a long drive ahead of me, so i thought, what the hey, and i stuck the CD in the car player. the stuff he said about fulfillment and achievement being separate things really struck a chord with me, and i started doing his first workshop, which is to dedicate 15 minutes to an hour each morning to take a walk, feel gratitude for the things i have in my life, visualize what i want to happen, and build up some positive energy around making those things happen, and enjoying and taking control of my life.
i've been doing the walks for a couple weeks now, and it's been quite an interesting experience. i wouldn't say i suddenly know what my mission in life is yet, but i've definitely realized that i have always focused on the negative side of things 95% of the time. i've always thought of myself as really selfish, ungrateful, and unsociable; but when had i ever really taken time to think about all the things that i could or should be grateful for? when have i ever stopped to remember and celebrate my good sides? sure, sometimes the worst in me comes out. but when those things happen, i don't feel in control, and i don't feel that i'm 'myself.' when i do feel that i'm being myself, it's when i can feel my heart; when i'm feeling love, compassion, and comraderie. spending celebration time each morning has helped me take ownership of those good sides more, and to return back every day to the places of love and gratitude that make me want to take care of other people, to make them feel happy and loved and appreciated.
i've felt sometimes, especially in the beginning, that it was too cheesy to think so positively, that it was uncool. but in thinking about it more, observing that misgiving in myself only confirmed how foreign positive thinking has been to me in the past. in fact, it's kinda sad to think that so many people spend so much time in negative mode. how many times did i have bitch-fests while directing my college a cappella group, complaining about this or that person, when it invariably made me feel even more closed, even more biased against those people. and how rarely did i take time, and i mean actually take time, to consider the good things about the group. i loved the group, i really did, but i think i missed out on the fulfillment it could have given me at the time because i was too wrapped up in feeling personally insulted or burdened by the drama.
anyhow, it's been nice to visit with my extended family this holiday season, donning a fresh attitude and a newfound wellspring of gratitude and love. i think that fulfillment really is at our fingertips, if we'd only embrace it.
now i just need to figure out what i want out of my life....
i've wanted to check in more, but having a job in which i type and stare at a computer screen all day doesn't make for high motivation to do the same when i get home. plus i've been struggling with carpel tunnel problems--not diagnosed or anything, but just discomfort/pain when i've been at it too long. so pardon my neglect! anyhoo, i'm on vacation for the holidays, so i don't mind typing now.
the BFL thing is long gone; it was pretty successful, but i really was ready for a break by the time it was done. plus, it's really difficult to have my girlfriend in town and still find the motivation/time to plan and execute all the BFL requirements. it's funny how couples can make each other gain weight like that sometimes; it had been so long since i'd seen her, and since she'd eaten good multicultural bay area food, that all we wanted to do was enjoy yummy food together. i'm still glad i did BFL though; it was nice to show myself that i can really do something i set my mind to. also it got me into running for the first time in my life. i actually reached my goal of running 5 miles within an hour, which i'd never ever done (within an hour or not) in my life!
afterwards i went through a very angsty phase in which i wondered what the purpose of my life was. one theme that has repercussed in my life for years and years is an underlying panic about "being productive" all the time, lest i wake up someday and realize i'm old and dissatisfied with my life. over time, it's evolved to a recognition that i don't actually need to be doing something so-called productive every minute in order to get somewhere with my life, and also that it's possible to be productive every minute, and still not be any closer to happiness. however, i still had not found the thing that WOULD make me happy.
my sister started listening to Tony Robbins recently, and she let my parents borrow a couple of the CDs to listen to; they are already fans of his. Then when they were visiting California, they gave them to me and told me to listen. i was feeling rather glum at the moment, and had a long drive ahead of me, so i thought, what the hey, and i stuck the CD in the car player. the stuff he said about fulfillment and achievement being separate things really struck a chord with me, and i started doing his first workshop, which is to dedicate 15 minutes to an hour each morning to take a walk, feel gratitude for the things i have in my life, visualize what i want to happen, and build up some positive energy around making those things happen, and enjoying and taking control of my life.
i've been doing the walks for a couple weeks now, and it's been quite an interesting experience. i wouldn't say i suddenly know what my mission in life is yet, but i've definitely realized that i have always focused on the negative side of things 95% of the time. i've always thought of myself as really selfish, ungrateful, and unsociable; but when had i ever really taken time to think about all the things that i could or should be grateful for? when have i ever stopped to remember and celebrate my good sides? sure, sometimes the worst in me comes out. but when those things happen, i don't feel in control, and i don't feel that i'm 'myself.' when i do feel that i'm being myself, it's when i can feel my heart; when i'm feeling love, compassion, and comraderie. spending celebration time each morning has helped me take ownership of those good sides more, and to return back every day to the places of love and gratitude that make me want to take care of other people, to make them feel happy and loved and appreciated.
i've felt sometimes, especially in the beginning, that it was too cheesy to think so positively, that it was uncool. but in thinking about it more, observing that misgiving in myself only confirmed how foreign positive thinking has been to me in the past. in fact, it's kinda sad to think that so many people spend so much time in negative mode. how many times did i have bitch-fests while directing my college a cappella group, complaining about this or that person, when it invariably made me feel even more closed, even more biased against those people. and how rarely did i take time, and i mean actually take time, to consider the good things about the group. i loved the group, i really did, but i think i missed out on the fulfillment it could have given me at the time because i was too wrapped up in feeling personally insulted or burdened by the drama.
anyhow, it's been nice to visit with my extended family this holiday season, donning a fresh attitude and a newfound wellspring of gratitude and love. i think that fulfillment really is at our fingertips, if we'd only embrace it.
now i just need to figure out what i want out of my life....
Friday, October 21, 2005
baby!!!!
let's skip the formalities; I know it's been a long time since I posted.
I'm at work, so I'll keep this brief; my brother's wife just had a baby!!! aaaaahh!! :D :D :D the first baby in my immediate family; I can't wait to see her...
alright, now back to work, you!
I'm at work, so I'll keep this brief; my brother's wife just had a baby!!! aaaaahh!! :D :D :D the first baby in my immediate family; I can't wait to see her...
alright, now back to work, you!
Friday, July 15, 2005
laughing in the heat
hey peepz, can i start by saying it is SO HOT outside!! i just love trying to fall asleep with as little fidgeting as possible so as not to risk raising my body temperature enough to make me sweat even more...yech.
anyhow, so i went to the San Jose Improv comedy theatre yesterday night, and despite the heat that plagued comedian and audience alike, i had a blast!! the featured comedian, Tony Dijamco, was awesome; really funny, and seemed to connect well with the audience. And the headliner, Jake Johanneson, also very funny; his performance wasn't as consistently funny as Tony's, as there were some slow parts, but the funny parts were super hilarious--there were a couple times he said something soooo funny--I laughed so hard tears came out of my eyes. I've seen some standup on TV but it is so much better live!! i had no idea. highly recommend seeing a live standup show.
i don't want to spend another 50,000 words talking about BFL for fear that I'll have to rename this entire blog after it, so I'll keep the update short. i haven't missed a workout yet, which is good. it's been tough sticking with the nightly planning, i'd say that was my hardest part of the challenge. some nights i get home from work and i just want to not think about anything, be kind of an automaton for a while. i've been playing way too much Spider Solitaire lately, for that very reason. so bad for my BFL habits though, and of course when i don't take time to plan i either start feeling bad about it, or i end up procrastinating til i should be sleeping, then write out a quick plan, and then feel bad anyway because i won't get to sleep enough, which i promised myself i'd do as part of keeping up with BFL.
pptttthhhbbtt is what I say about it now. sometimes it's important to check in with the motivation factor, make sure i'm still pushing forward, but sometimes it's also necessary to just coast for a little bit, let the brain cells and positivity have a rest. now is one of those resting times i think.
anyhow, so i went to the San Jose Improv comedy theatre yesterday night, and despite the heat that plagued comedian and audience alike, i had a blast!! the featured comedian, Tony Dijamco, was awesome; really funny, and seemed to connect well with the audience. And the headliner, Jake Johanneson, also very funny; his performance wasn't as consistently funny as Tony's, as there were some slow parts, but the funny parts were super hilarious--there were a couple times he said something soooo funny--I laughed so hard tears came out of my eyes. I've seen some standup on TV but it is so much better live!! i had no idea. highly recommend seeing a live standup show.
i don't want to spend another 50,000 words talking about BFL for fear that I'll have to rename this entire blog after it, so I'll keep the update short. i haven't missed a workout yet, which is good. it's been tough sticking with the nightly planning, i'd say that was my hardest part of the challenge. some nights i get home from work and i just want to not think about anything, be kind of an automaton for a while. i've been playing way too much Spider Solitaire lately, for that very reason. so bad for my BFL habits though, and of course when i don't take time to plan i either start feeling bad about it, or i end up procrastinating til i should be sleeping, then write out a quick plan, and then feel bad anyway because i won't get to sleep enough, which i promised myself i'd do as part of keeping up with BFL.
pptttthhhbbtt is what I say about it now. sometimes it's important to check in with the motivation factor, make sure i'm still pushing forward, but sometimes it's also necessary to just coast for a little bit, let the brain cells and positivity have a rest. now is one of those resting times i think.
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