Just saw Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest last night--a solo performance by Kristina Wong analyzing mental illness in Asian women in the U.S. I liked it; it was entertaining at times, poignant at others. It seemed more about raising questions than necessarily providing answers, which didn't make it any less needed. It made me think of all sorts of little and not-so-little traumas I've seen and known in my life and in those of people close to me. I think of how resilient we are, yet at the same time how we aren't so impervious to pain as we sometimes like to think.
It also made me think twice about my own prejudices against Asian women. I do start with some basic assumptions about folks when I meet them, and I guess they're not always good. I think part of it stems from a sort of resentful longing I had at different points in my life since I never seemed to fit in with other Asians. In high school, there was a big Asian clique, that my cousins belonged to, but that I was never really able to relate to. At Stanford, the same thing happened, though a lot of that was because it was full of Asian christians, who I really did not relate with. My set of friends was always much more...multi-cultural, let's say. I patted myself on the back, saying I had much more personality, more spice than these seemingly tame people who looked like me, but certainly didn't seem to think like me. Yet I have to admit that on some level, I always felt that longing, that desire to be a part of that tight-knit family.
So it was pretty ironic when I started a relationship with an Asian American Catholic woman. Hah. I even had misgivings in the beginning, knowing that I hadn't been able to find common ground with my so-called "Asian sisters" before. But lo and behold, not all people are the same. ;) I think my relationship with Catherine, and things like this Kristina Wong performance, are sort of evolving my ongoing relationship with this issue to one of more peace. Heck, after the performance, I went out to a late dinner with a group of activist Asian American friends, and I think I was more able to let my guard down and be chill with them.
Hopefully this post makes some sense, and you don't now think I'm just totally racist against my own people. This really has been a really old internal conflict for me. Catherine can attest to it. ;p
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Yeah, it's an old conflict. ;) Just kidding. Actually, I didn't really pull all the pieces together in the same way you did in this post. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how well you know someone, there's always more to learn. A happy thought, in my opinion. Applies to myself, too. I'm always learning new things about myself, as life and choices that I make stretch and challenge my usual thinking. I think that's a good thing... and I think it's great that you're challenging some of those old assumptions and asking some really hard questions. It's never fun uncovering something that challenges the defenses you've put up over the years. I'm proud of you for doing it. :)
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