Hey, so I'm still doing this BFL thing; I'm done with week 3, and I started noticing this week that some of my clothes are starting to fit a bit looser on me. :D I'm getting the hang of the meals too; it doesn't take me too long to prepare my food for the day in the morning.
Not that it's been all clear sailing in the least. I started off the first week with a bang, totally motivated, as you saw in my previous post. But then, by the end of that week I started going into my old and bad habit of getting disheartened by slip-ups I would make; if I missed a meal one day, or didn't drink enough water, self-doubt would creep in. I guess one thing I'm starting to realize is that the reason I didn't succeed last time with BFL is because setting real goals and believing in them really entails putting yourself out there. I've never been a risk-taker; even as early as grade school, whenever I took a test I would immediately assume that I didn't do well on it, until I got the actual grade back. It was easier for me to accept potential failure beforehand, and then be pleasantly surprised by success, instead of expecting success only to suffer the disappointment of failure. I always did this--not just for tests but for auditions, high-school crushes, college admissions, you name it.
But this self-protection comes at a price--without daring to dream, and without risking anything, I've missed a bunch of opportunities to make truly significant accomplishments. And what's worse, even when I do accomplish something, I end up attributing it to luck as opposed to my own efforts. This is not to say that I have no self-confidence or sense of self-worth. I've made many accomplishments in my lifetime that I'm proud of, and I certainly don't think I'm devoid of intelligence or talent. But the issue lies here: that to me, all my successes have sprouted from opportunities that have presented themselves to me in the context of my day-to-day life; I can't think of many successes I've had that started with me fighting adversity, making a difficult restructuring of my life, pursuing an unlikely dream, or seeking out non-obvious opportunities. I could go off analyzing my successes and missed opportunities, but hopefully you get the picture by now.
Anyhow, so this BFL thing is really kind of scary to me, because I'm putting myself out there--making myself believe that I can reach my goals, and therefore making myself vulnerable to failure in a way that I've as a rule avoided my whole life. Pretty heavy stuff. A couple times (interestingly enough, usually during/after my free day, when I'm not exercising and am eating less healthy portions of less healthy foods), I've slipped into feeling the same old feelings of doubt, unhappiness, and desire to just give up. But my brother gave me some good advice about BFL, which he's also done before: he told me that I shouldn't think too much about whether I'm achieving results as quickly as I should be; I should keep in mind that the 12-week program is a long-term commitment, and if I don't see results right away, then I should just keep going and check back in a couple weeks. Hearing him say that really helped get me through this last week; rather than staring at the mirror every hour of every day, wondering whether I should be thinner by now, I just focused on the positives.
Also, I looked back at my daily progress sheets for the past few weeks and was surprised to see that I've for the most part actually stuck really well to the program. Funny how those 3 or 4 missed meals were so emphasized in my mind, but I'd forgotten about the 90+ meals I'd stuck with and done right. Yeah....so basically it's just been, and will undoubtedly continue to be, a big learning experience for me, and hopefully a lasting transformation as well. I'll continue keeping you posted...wish me luck!
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Hey Cindabin,
Congratulations on making it this far! I know how you feel. Generally, the struggle to get into shape and reach one's physical goals is hard enough. But if you're trying to lose a significant amount of weight the normal struggle is compounded by mood swings attributable to sharp rises and declines of endorphins, which are released as the body burns fat. (I think I read that the same endorphin rush you get when you eat fat is also released when you burn it, creating addictive possibilities for both eating and exercising). You're feeling good one moment, flying high -- and then the next you're dead tired and even twitching seems like too much effort.
You're nearly mid-program by now, aren't you? Your description of trucking along seems to indicate your state of mind at the moment: the diet doldrums. I fall into them too sometimes, when I start getting bored with my routine or mentally lazy. It's a lot of effort to try to incorporate exercise and good nutrition into our daily regimen. At work I'm always thinking about when to schedule my next workout, or how I'm going to deal with both bodily soreness, work deadlines, and socializing while maintaining my fitness level.
The good news is, the doldrums don't last forever. After a while though, it starts to be automatic, less fraught with angst. It becomes as normal as wondering if you've been drinking enough water, or planning when you're going to go to lunch that day. That golden door to normalization is ahead of you -- and it's not so much a state of fitness that will get you there as much as a mind change. In other words, you just get used to it. And you get used to feeling good about what you're doing for yourself and your body. The most successful women who work out do so not because they feel bad about it, but because it makes them feel good. You actually start looking forward to it because it becomes "me time" -- time that you invest into yourself because you love and care about yourself.
So keep up that positive thinking. You've got a cadre of folks all around you, rooting for you. But the most important cheerleader is already on your side -- and that's you. You just need to get her off the bench. :)
-Catherine
thanks for the encouragement!! that really helps a lot. it's nice to be able to feel like there may be a light at the end of this very long tunnel. ;) i'm just finishing week 6 of the program, and i think i've already started to even out a bit in terms of the mood swings, and I definitely am learning to enjoy the workouts. They are the perfect antidote to a boring/stressful/monotonous/draining day at work or at home. i appreciate your support a lot!
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