Hey, so I'm still doing this BFL thing; I'm done with week 3, and I started noticing this week that some of my clothes are starting to fit a bit looser on me. :D I'm getting the hang of the meals too; it doesn't take me too long to prepare my food for the day in the morning.
Not that it's been all clear sailing in the least. I started off the first week with a bang, totally motivated, as you saw in my previous post. But then, by the end of that week I started going into my old and bad habit of getting disheartened by slip-ups I would make; if I missed a meal one day, or didn't drink enough water, self-doubt would creep in. I guess one thing I'm starting to realize is that the reason I didn't succeed last time with BFL is because setting real goals and believing in them really entails putting yourself out there. I've never been a risk-taker; even as early as grade school, whenever I took a test I would immediately assume that I didn't do well on it, until I got the actual grade back. It was easier for me to accept potential failure beforehand, and then be pleasantly surprised by success, instead of expecting success only to suffer the disappointment of failure. I always did this--not just for tests but for auditions, high-school crushes, college admissions, you name it.
But this self-protection comes at a price--without daring to dream, and without risking anything, I've missed a bunch of opportunities to make truly significant accomplishments. And what's worse, even when I do accomplish something, I end up attributing it to luck as opposed to my own efforts. This is not to say that I have no self-confidence or sense of self-worth. I've made many accomplishments in my lifetime that I'm proud of, and I certainly don't think I'm devoid of intelligence or talent. But the issue lies here: that to me, all my successes have sprouted from opportunities that have presented themselves to me in the context of my day-to-day life; I can't think of many successes I've had that started with me fighting adversity, making a difficult restructuring of my life, pursuing an unlikely dream, or seeking out non-obvious opportunities. I could go off analyzing my successes and missed opportunities, but hopefully you get the picture by now.
Anyhow, so this BFL thing is really kind of scary to me, because I'm putting myself out there--making myself believe that I can reach my goals, and therefore making myself vulnerable to failure in a way that I've as a rule avoided my whole life. Pretty heavy stuff. A couple times (interestingly enough, usually during/after my free day, when I'm not exercising and am eating less healthy portions of less healthy foods), I've slipped into feeling the same old feelings of doubt, unhappiness, and desire to just give up. But my brother gave me some good advice about BFL, which he's also done before: he told me that I shouldn't think too much about whether I'm achieving results as quickly as I should be; I should keep in mind that the 12-week program is a long-term commitment, and if I don't see results right away, then I should just keep going and check back in a couple weeks. Hearing him say that really helped get me through this last week; rather than staring at the mirror every hour of every day, wondering whether I should be thinner by now, I just focused on the positives.
Also, I looked back at my daily progress sheets for the past few weeks and was surprised to see that I've for the most part actually stuck really well to the program. Funny how those 3 or 4 missed meals were so emphasized in my mind, but I'd forgotten about the 90+ meals I'd stuck with and done right. Yeah....so basically it's just been, and will undoubtedly continue to be, a big learning experience for me, and hopefully a lasting transformation as well. I'll continue keeping you posted...wish me luck!
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I'm taking the BFL Challenge!!!
I've done it. I've taken the plunge: this past Monday, I started the Body-for-Life program! If you haven't ever heard of it (http://www.bodyforlife.com/), it's a 12-week program created by Bill Phillips of eating right and exercising. My cousin successfully completed the challenge several years back; I kind of tried to jump on the band wagon then, but I hadn't read the book, and I was cutting corners here and there from the regimen, and most of all, I didn't really believe that I could change the way my body looked.
That's a big part of what he talks about in his book that describes the program. Basically, what it boils down to is that old saying, "if you can believe it, you can achieve it." Back then, I only wanted to do it because I thought it would be nice to look more in shape. I did the working out part okay, but I was too attached to junk food and fattening foods to even promise myself to cut them out of my diet 6 days a week. Eventually even my workouts became lackluster--I did them just to get through them, not because I was excited about the eventual results, which I didn't really think I had it in me to achieve.
This time, it's totally different. I bought the book myself (a year ago, after which it was promptly borrowed by my mother until a week ago ;) ), and as I read through it last week, I was astounded at how much what he said was hitting home with me. Not just with regards to physical fitness; he talked about how taking control of your body, and taking CARE of your body, is only the first step in taking care of every other aspect of your life.
And that hit me really hard. Sure, I am partially motivated to do it because I've been gaining more weight since I got out of school; I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life, in the past few years I've developed chronic knee/hip/lower back/upper back pain, and I've been tired all the time. But just as importantly, he reminded me of what was already supposed to be one of my deepest values: that mind, BODY, and soul are all connected. The fact that my body has been getting out of my control only makes sense when I consider the fact that I've also had mood swings, bouts of depression and insecurity, and confusion about my direction in life.
When I created this blog not so long ago, I was kind of in flux with these issues. I knew what my values were, and I knew that in the past I'd made good progress in certain ways--in letting loved ones know more often how much I care about them, for instance, or in taking up meditation. But nothing seemed to stick with me for the long term. I created this blog partially because I wanted a place to share some of my goings on, but also because I didn't want to let myself lose sight of what I most value and strive for in life. But I still didn't know what I was going to do to actually get there.
Reading this book made me realize that I need to do this program for myself. I need to show myself that I can set a long-term goal and actually stick with it, and see results because I stuck with it. Long-term efforts have always been a problem with me, and until now I just couldn't bring myself to make a self-promise like, "I will stick to this 12-week program and see results A, B, and C," because I was convinced that I'd just let myself down.
But not this time. I know now that not just my figure, but my values, my health, and ultimately my happiness in life are all at stake. I can't begin to describe what an important step this is for me. I've told several friends and members of my family, and now I've published it in my blog, so that even if my own resolve starts to wear thin, I'll know that I either have to continue and succeed in reaching my goals, or my friends, family, and anyone who reads this blog will think I'm a loser!! If that doesn't motivate me, I don't know what will. ;)
Anyhoo, I feel great so far. Some of the meals I've prepared so far are actually really tasty; it's a good thing I took up cooking recently, because home cooking always seems to taste better anyway. And after only a few days of being on the program, I already have more energy at work; before, I used to get so tired I'd have to sneak a nap in the middle of the day.
Alright, I've done enough ranting for tonight!
That's a big part of what he talks about in his book that describes the program. Basically, what it boils down to is that old saying, "if you can believe it, you can achieve it." Back then, I only wanted to do it because I thought it would be nice to look more in shape. I did the working out part okay, but I was too attached to junk food and fattening foods to even promise myself to cut them out of my diet 6 days a week. Eventually even my workouts became lackluster--I did them just to get through them, not because I was excited about the eventual results, which I didn't really think I had it in me to achieve.
This time, it's totally different. I bought the book myself (a year ago, after which it was promptly borrowed by my mother until a week ago ;) ), and as I read through it last week, I was astounded at how much what he said was hitting home with me. Not just with regards to physical fitness; he talked about how taking control of your body, and taking CARE of your body, is only the first step in taking care of every other aspect of your life.
And that hit me really hard. Sure, I am partially motivated to do it because I've been gaining more weight since I got out of school; I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life, in the past few years I've developed chronic knee/hip/lower back/upper back pain, and I've been tired all the time. But just as importantly, he reminded me of what was already supposed to be one of my deepest values: that mind, BODY, and soul are all connected. The fact that my body has been getting out of my control only makes sense when I consider the fact that I've also had mood swings, bouts of depression and insecurity, and confusion about my direction in life.
When I created this blog not so long ago, I was kind of in flux with these issues. I knew what my values were, and I knew that in the past I'd made good progress in certain ways--in letting loved ones know more often how much I care about them, for instance, or in taking up meditation. But nothing seemed to stick with me for the long term. I created this blog partially because I wanted a place to share some of my goings on, but also because I didn't want to let myself lose sight of what I most value and strive for in life. But I still didn't know what I was going to do to actually get there.
Reading this book made me realize that I need to do this program for myself. I need to show myself that I can set a long-term goal and actually stick with it, and see results because I stuck with it. Long-term efforts have always been a problem with me, and until now I just couldn't bring myself to make a self-promise like, "I will stick to this 12-week program and see results A, B, and C," because I was convinced that I'd just let myself down.
But not this time. I know now that not just my figure, but my values, my health, and ultimately my happiness in life are all at stake. I can't begin to describe what an important step this is for me. I've told several friends and members of my family, and now I've published it in my blog, so that even if my own resolve starts to wear thin, I'll know that I either have to continue and succeed in reaching my goals, or my friends, family, and anyone who reads this blog will think I'm a loser!! If that doesn't motivate me, I don't know what will. ;)
Anyhoo, I feel great so far. Some of the meals I've prepared so far are actually really tasty; it's a good thing I took up cooking recently, because home cooking always seems to taste better anyway. And after only a few days of being on the program, I already have more energy at work; before, I used to get so tired I'd have to sneak a nap in the middle of the day.
Alright, I've done enough ranting for tonight!
Sunday, June 05, 2005
cruisin' in Alaska
Hello, it's been a while since my last post because my girlfriend was visiting me for two weeks before leaving for Kosovo for 10 weeks...and right after that I went on a week-long cruise to Alaska with most of my family. I miss my girlfriend already; we've already had our share of long-distance before this, but it's the first time we've been in separate countries for an extended period of time, so it's even harder to deal with than usual. The biggest thing allowing me to cope with it right now is the fact that after this, she'll be back near me for a long while.
In the meantime, the cruise was an awesome way to distract me from being lonely. It was really, really good to spend time with my parents and my brother, because we've had some drama recently that I won't get into, and during this trip we were able to focus on being close, affectionate, and loving towards each other. It makes me really happy to know that even when things get tough, our love runs very deep, and we'll always be a family, supporting each other when it comes down to it.
Alaska was absolutely gorgeous as well; I saw my first glaciers, and in general it was full of beautiful lakes, mountains, icebergs, and waterfalls. I felt so lucky to be there, completely surrounded by nature's beauty, and so far away from urban life. It's pretty crazy how sparsely populated Alaska is; when we were out in the mountains, we were really OUT in the mountains; hardly a road, house, boat, anything in sight. I soooo needed that escape. It makes me feel like I can start afresh with everyday life now. We'll see how that actually goes. ;)
In the meantime, the cruise was an awesome way to distract me from being lonely. It was really, really good to spend time with my parents and my brother, because we've had some drama recently that I won't get into, and during this trip we were able to focus on being close, affectionate, and loving towards each other. It makes me really happy to know that even when things get tough, our love runs very deep, and we'll always be a family, supporting each other when it comes down to it.
Alaska was absolutely gorgeous as well; I saw my first glaciers, and in general it was full of beautiful lakes, mountains, icebergs, and waterfalls. I felt so lucky to be there, completely surrounded by nature's beauty, and so far away from urban life. It's pretty crazy how sparsely populated Alaska is; when we were out in the mountains, we were really OUT in the mountains; hardly a road, house, boat, anything in sight. I soooo needed that escape. It makes me feel like I can start afresh with everyday life now. We'll see how that actually goes. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
