Friday, August 01, 2008

23 days

Well, in case you're wondering, I've stuck with Bikram so far for 23 days. It's been much easier than I thought to stick with it so far; I've got a routine going, and just knowing that I'm already committed to doing it makes it easier. It's interesting--because I already know today that I will definitely be going to class tomorrow, I am already starting to mentally prepare for that reality. Without the challenge, I would spend a lot of time and energy waffling back and forth: "Should I go tomorrow? Do I have time? What if I don't get enough sleep? Well, maybe I'll see how tired I feel in the morning. What if I don't hydrate enough beforehand? If I don't go I'll feel guilty afterward! What if it's too difficult tomorrow? What if it makes me tired during work?" Whew! No wonder it was so hard for me to get my butt into the yoga room before! I was exhausted before I even got to class.

For the first week I alternated 1 good day (i.e. I felt pretty strong and flexible throughout class) and 1 bad day (i.e. it was all I could do to go through the motions of every pose). But I saw some really rapid progress in my flexibility, and felt really good after most days. My chest was open and relaxed, and I felt I could breathe more freely than I had in a long time. I started out with some extreme lower back pain, and avoided doing the sit ups at first, but this also largely went away during the first week or so.

Then, interestingly, I think my body started to resist all this openness and sudden flexibility. Week 2 and a little beyond was pretty much a string of bad days; my hips, which had so loosened up, seemed to get really stiff and tight again, and didn't even feel loose by the end of class. My shoulderblades and back were supertight; during any pose in which we had to clasp our palms together, arms locked and overhead, I felt as though my shoulders had rubberbands in them that were about to snap, and my arms would actually start to go numb. Yow! And my chest/solar plexus area, biceps and forearms (partially remnants of some carpel tunnel issues I've had in the past) were so tight and uncomfortable that I could barely even kick out during Standing Bow Pulling Pose, due to the intense discomfort and nausea I'd feel pulling at my chest and arms. It didn't help either that it was that time of the month...sorry if that's TMI but dude, it was really difficult.

But slowly, I've been loosening up again. The past 4 or 5 days have actually all leveled out to being pretty bearable, and while I definitely have my chronic areas of stiffness and/or achyness, I also feel more able to focus and make directed effort in the yoga poses, rather than feeling overwhelmed by discomfort, nausea, and slight panic. I've grown more accustomed to the feelings of my body loosening up gradually throughout class, and while they still often feel a little unpleasant, I don't need to dwell on them as much. I feel that I'm finally moving past my body's initial reactions, and starting--just starting--my true practice. I also notice I'm drinking even more water before and after class, which probably helps me feel less gross during class.

And while each pose varies each day, I have made some definite strides already in the postures. I can actually squat all the way down during the first part of Awkward Pose, and my balance is slowly improving. I've finally been able to kick out consistently the past few days during Standing Head To Knee, though I have yet to try bending my elbows at all. I can actually balance for a few seconds with no help from my hands, and looking forward at the mirror, during Toe Stand (one side is easier than the other, interestingly). My back is clearly getting stronger during the spine-strengthening series. And my hamstrings are slowly but surely getting more flexible during the forward bend.

Progress is definitely very gradual and incremental, but I'm excited to see where I am by the end of the challenge. And I'm feeling pretty great aside from the physical, as well--proving to myself day by day that I have discipline and stores of energy and will that I didn't know I had.